What not to say to infertile couples

It is quite unfortunate that some of us may have to face the stress of being infertile. The incapability of producing children may cause many mental, physical, as well as financial issues for a couple. While some of our actions can be well intended, like being humorous to lighten the mood, they can have ill effects on those we love due to preexisting stress or insecurities. Consequently, we must do everything we can to try and be mindful to alleviate that stress.
Being mindful can be achieved in many different ways, and it is primarily done by being empathetic towards your friends or family that are struggling with infertility. The best thing you can do to support them would be trying to add no stress on them, and alleviating that stress as much as possible. Things you should never do can be either asking to figure out where the problem is, as it unintentionally makes the individual feel guilty, or recommending solutions when you’re uninformed of their exact situation financially and physically. There are things that should be said as mentioned before, such as making it clear you are there to support the couple however you can, and things that should not be said, a few examples are listed below:
1. Downplaying their issues: “You’re so lucky! Kids are a disaster”.

2. Suggesting IVF as an easy solution: “Why don’t you just go for IVF?”.

3. Asking them to simply just relax: “Just relax, the stress is probably playing a part”.

4. Do not ever play a blame game: “This issue is happening because of XYZ”.

5. Never ignore the issue as nonexistent.

6. Unless it’s asked, don’t give unsolicited advice: “You should try doing XYZ”.

7. Suggesting adoption as a simple solution: “Why don’t you just adopt?”.

8. It’s not gossip material: “Have you heard that X is infertile? Poor thing”.

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Resources

Everyday Health. “What to Say (and Not to Say) to Someone Living With Infertility”. Accessed on August 14, 2021.

Very Well Family. “12 Things Not to Say to Someone With Infertility”. Accessed on August 14, 2021.

The Conversation. “5 things not to say to someone struggling with infertility”. Accessed on August 14, 2021.